Define Loss. Loss can mean many things, you can lose a sock, or your favourite pair of earrings. You can also lose people, through death or you decide to go your separate ways for whatever reason that may be. You’re probably wondering why I’m talking about losing an earring on a blog about grief. Once someone you love dies, loss becomes harder to cope with. I found that everything that I lost was a trigger. I could lose my glasses and I’d find myself crying, people around me thought I was crazy, but I knew it wasn’t about my glasses, because I could find them again and if not, I can replace them. It was about feeling loss all over again and somehow losing something as small as my glasses would make me think of the people who are no longer with us anymore.
I always used to find losing friends the hardest to cope with, but this is normal in life. People come and go, however it used to hurt a lot more after I lost my mum, my uncle and my grandad. I always have this constant fear that people will leave, by choice or not, which makes loss so much harder to cope with. As loss causes loneliness and there's no easy way to overcome that as you can be surrounded by a group of people but still feel alone. This topic is close to home for me at the minute, and much like most people I struggle talking, so I’ve decided to write about it in hope that it may help others too.
Loss is connected. Imagine a spider diagram with Loss in the middle, every line goes back to the same place. For me, that same place would be my grief. This is normal, it’s also normal if you’re reading this right now and can’t relate to anything I’ve written about because it is YOUR grief and everyone copes with things differently. Just know that you’re never crazy if it's how you feel. Your feelings matter no matter how big or small it seems. I have probably said this before in one of my previous blogs and if not then I’ll probably end up saying it again because it's so important. Loss used to make me feel like I was going mad, I would get upset over small things, and I would analyse everything to work out why I felt the way I did. I used to think for hours without realising that it doesn’t matter why I feel the way I feel, all that mattered was that I felt it, and I let myself feel it no matter how scary it was.
That’s all that matters, that you allow yourself time to feel loss, for everything that it is and once you move on, you’ll have to repeat it all over again the next time you can’t find your favourite jumper, or you lose a friend who you thought would be in your life forever. But like last time, you’ll pick yourself up and you’ll grow from it as it’s just another hurdle in life that you have to overcome. Doesn’t mean you’ll ever get over it, but you will adapt and grow into a whole new version of yourself. Loss never gets easier, but you can’t escape it. All we can do is learn how to live with it in a way that it doesn’t destroy us.